Portfolio Assignment #4: Community Experience

I attended a support group for spouses of men with pornography addictions on the evening of Thursday, February 19th. Out of respect for the anonymity of those who attended, I will not go into too much detail. 

It was hard for me to find the place even with a map because it was in a parking lot next to a counseling building. I went to the counseling building first and asked, "Where can I find the meeting for spouses of porn addicts?" I wondered what they thought of me and my situation as I asked that. I think if my spouse actually was suffering from a porn addiction, I might not have the courage to be so vocal in my search for the meeting place. In a very practical way this applies to me as a teacher; I want to make sure that if we have out-of-school activities or meetings that the location is clear, especially if I have a diverse population of students. What if the parents are unable to communicate with those nearby to ask for directions?

Returning to this idea of courage, there was a woman there who vocalized her hesitancy to come. It takes courage for people to admit they have a problem or someone they love is struggling. This is important to make it safe for students and parents to feel comfortable to share concerns. I want to foster relationships with students and parents that will create an environment of trust. Conjecturing about the future (and not something specifically related to the support group I attended), but what if there is domestic violence occurring in the homes of those I teach (whether it's directed to the student or one of the parents)? I want to know so I can do something about it. However, attending this support group, I know I cannot help haphazardly. A person has to want help. Just as the meeting was conducted--some just attended to listen. Others wanted to speak, ask questions, and really seek consolation and validation. It was perfectly acceptable and safe for both. No one was forced to participate. We went around taking turns answering questions, discussing experiences, and reading from the manual for relatives of those going through the 12 steps program.

One thing that was disconcerting was the robotic way in which the senior sisters conducted the meeting. I know they were well meaning, but the way they followed the script they had just felt odd. They were very welcoming, though, and although they sometimes did not know what to say apart from the script, I know they were very sincere as they talked about how they prayed that whoever needed to come would come and shared personal experiences of other trials. We went over time because discussion was very meaningful so in allowing that I feel like they were understanding. 

Relating this back to class, we do not know what our students are going through, and we must accept that we will not understand everything. Their parents may not be able to help much because they are busy with family problems and attending meetings such as these. I must do my best not to judge students based solely on how they perform in class. I must take the time to get to know them, and if their parents don't have time, do my best to provide resources so that they can be successful.

Here is the information if you would like to observe for yourself: 

BYU Seminary Family Support Pornography Addiction

Provo, Utah

2.6 mi / 4.2 km

Thursday 7:30 pm

• –Spouses and Families
• –Women Only
• –English

Portfolio Assignment #3: Being the "Other"

Outside of St. Francis of Assisi

 

The hymn book we used for opening and closing songs.

A prayer book one of the members gave me to keep.

I ended up going to a Catholic mass on a weekday. I arrived at the church 15 minutes early and no one was there except for the custodial crew. I lingered outside their main chapel area (which I actually don't know the proper name for), and I nice woman approached me and directed me to a smaller chapel at the side of the building, where mass would be taking place that morning.

She sat in the back row and I chose the same row because I figured, if I needed more help she'd be willing. More people filed in as the hour approached. Each of them dipping their hands into what I think was holy water and doing the sign of the cross. As they approached the corpus crucifix at the head of the chapel, they bowed, and some kneeled. Then the priest (I think he was a priest...) came in and we all stood. I only knew I needed to stand because everyone around me stood up.

Then my misconceptions of Catholicism were altered. I always thought that you sat, listened, and returned home. Instead we often stood, kneeled, chanted, and made gestures with our hands. I often didn't know what everyone was saying, but followed along as best I could.

The kind lady again helped me as it was time for communion. "You aren't Catholic, are you?" I sheepishly replied, "No, I'm just visiting." She told me I could stand in line with the others partaking of the Eucharist, but I would just cross my arms over my chest to indicate that I would like only a blessing. I learned later (from a Mormon friend) that you must be baptized Catholic to participate in Holy Communion.

There was very little interaction between members, which I thought was very reverent, but I loved a part of the mass where we all turned to each other, shook hands, and repeated "Peace be with you" to one another. 

At the end, some lingered to continue praying, while others stepped outside to chat. I remained sitting to process the experience. The woman who helped me, Julie, handed me her January prayer book and said, "If you want, you can have this to understand a little more about what just happened." I accepted her offer, thanked her, and started skimming the pages. Another man, Paul, came in and I asked him a question about some of the scripture reading. He ended up chatting with me for 40 minutes. He is a convert from Mormonism to Catholicism. He encouraged me multiple times to be open to God's journey for me. I nodded and appreciated his openness and willingness to share about his experience, although I did not agree with everything he said. I felt it would be inappropriate to share my thoughts to any extent while I was there and refrained from responding too much. He showed me into the main chapel and told me about the tabernacle where they continually set aside consecrated bread and wine for a later time.

I wandered a bit more, admiring the art. It was peaceful.

I wouldn't say I was "troubled" by any part of my experience. I think the troubling things for me just stem from doctrinal differences (especially worship of what I would consider idols and the constant bowing to the statue of Christ's crucifixtion on the wall). It was different to not socialize very much, but it also told me a story of their respect for the place in which they were and the deep reasons they were there. 

As a teacher, I do not want students to feel as I did--that I couldn't express my experiences with openness. Like pedagogical philosopher, Paulo Freire, I want my students to be critical thinkers. I want them to be able to disagree with me the teacher. I do not want to teach with the "banking" process, where my students are receptacles to be filled with my knowledge. Watching a film is a very subjective experience. The audience projects their experiences into the movies they watch and interpret them in their own way. I do not want to try and claim that I know the meaning. It will benefit everyone to learn from others analyses.

I do want to provide help in the form of kind words and resources as Julie did. I will need to be aware of students' body language. I'm sure there will be times they will not want to admit to struggling or their need of help, but if I am mindful, I can be there for them.